Decaffinated Tarantula
by Special Agent Black Storm
Summary: Well, Sara didn't actually try to decaffinate Grissom's tarantula, 'Fluffy', per say...but its still April Fools day, and the crew is a bit...restless. [GSR]
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Not mine, if I owned CSI, let's just say things would go a little crazy!!  
  
A/N: Hey! This is my first CSI fic so go easy on me! I'm pretty sure that Fluffy is not the name of Gil's tarantula, but if it is, just tell me! I think I got it off Fluffy who wrote More Plant Lovin'  
  
Pairings: S/G and bits of W/C  
  
Dominique however is not part of the CSI crew but is a friend so decided to use her name!  
  
I DO own Black Storm; he is my horse (it is complicated), although I have not personally checked whatever his stuff looks like. I am assuming whatever happens is true. I hope most of the info on horses is true! (It'd better be, I spent like yonks just reading on horses, and riding, and drawing!! I am like Grissom with his bugs but I'm with horses! Crazy bout them!)  
  
As far as I know, the UNIX system ACIS belongs to me the AFIS doesn't though, as does the Equitation Masters!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Chapter 1 ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Sara decided to skip into the graveyard shift today, to see if anyone noticed.  
  
"Hey Sidle. What are ya so happy for? Hot Date?"  
  
Rolling her eyes, Sara started thinking. Trust Greg to notice and not anyone else. He is not even a CSI. She turned to the young lab tech.  
  
"No Greg, no hot date. As for why I am so happy, you will just have to find out!"  
  
"Hey, if you want a hot date, there is always me!"  
  
"No way Greg!"  
  
"Awww!"  
  
Forgetting to skip, Sara turns the bend and enters Grissom's office.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~ GRISSOM'S OFFICE ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ever since she had heard Catherine and Grissom talking about Fluffy the tarantula, Sara had wanted to see the arachnid herself. She felt a bit hurt that Catherine knew about Fluffy before she did, but she was going to have some fun now, with the aid of a spider, which would hopefully return to its master, unharmed.  
  
Armed with a paddle pop stick and a Styrofoam cup, she approached the tank.  
  
"Hey there Fluffy. So you are the silent person- err should I say um- spider that Griss is always talking to. Listen, I need your help to freak out the Team ok?"  
  
God, what am I crazy! I am talking to a spider and expecting it to answer back. Wait Grissom talks to spiders and he is perfectly right in the head. Ok maybe not totally right but still.  
  
The thought fluttered in and out of her head. She shook her head and proceeded with her mission.  
  
"Ok Fluffy, into the cup!"  
  
Surprisingly, the spider walked in without needing any excessive poking and prodding from Sara.  
  
Mission complete!  
  
Poking her head into the corridor, she scanned both sides for traffic before heading to the break room.  
  
-*-*-*-*-*-* IN THE HALL, on the way to the break room _*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
"Hey Sara, tell Griss I'm gunna be a few secs late because I have to visit Dominique."  
  
"The lab tech?"  
  
"Yeah, some revenge plan on Ecklie."  
  
"Why do I have to tell him," Sara whined.  
  
"Because, you are the Grissom-pet and he will let you off with any excuse. He would bite my head off if he knew!"  
  
The pout from Sara provoked a charming smile from Nick.  
  
"Fine, but you owe me." Sara relented.  
  
"Always."  
  
"What ever."  
  
"By the way, what have you got there, coffee that doesn't steam, man you should teach the coffee pot that!"  
  
Shit! I do not want to put a cup with Fluffy near my mouth. Oh well! I guess it is worth it!  
  
Reluctantly, Sara brought the cup to her lips, and tilted it slightly upwards, careful not to deposit the Tarantula into her mouth.  
  
"Ah! It is actually juice you see. Diet."  
  
"Trying to impress someone?" Nick teased mockingly walking around Sara and observing.  
  
"Nooo!"  
  
"Whatever. You explain to Griss for me and I won't tell him."  
  
"Tell him what Stokes!" Sara called after him.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
In the break room, everyone was there except for Grissom and of course Nick. Sara decided to ask what Warrick did on his day off.  
  
"Well, I went to this place for some horse riding. I rode this really cool horse, called Black Storm. Australian Stock Horse cross Paso Fino I believe, represented Australasia in the Equitation Masters. Three days, Badminton, you name it. That horse was good at everything, and all- rounder."  
  
"Wow! You still remember anything about Forensics, War?" Catherine teased. "That's a lot to take in for someone with your brain capacity. Real Pro terms too. Do you still remember what fingerprints are?"  
  
"Yes, as a matter a fact I do. And as for your cheeky little fingerprint comment, I spent al lot of my day looking at the horse's leg. You know why? Because on a horse's leg, there is something called a chestnut. Now chestnuts are basically the equine equivalence to human fingerprints, and about the same shape too. No two are the same!"  
  
Sara could not hold back a snort. " I suppose that they use ACIS not AFIS then eh!" She started laughing, referring to the Fingerprint Identification System.  
  
" That would be the Automated Chestnut Identification System!"  
  
The CSI put down the spider cup on the bench and promptly collapsed onto the couch.  
  
"Woo! What a come back!"  
  
Warrick had a frown on his face, so did Catherine, except her eyes were sparkling.  
  
"I'm up for a coffee, anyone else?"  
  
"No way! I'm on a diet!"  
  
Raised eyebrows from the older CSIs.  
  
"And NO I am NOT trying to impress anyone regardless what Nicky says!"  
  
Shrugging, Catherine reaches for Fluffy's coffee cup, Sara dives for it just as she realizes.  
  
"Noo! That has got Spid- err- uh- I mean Spinach in it!" Sara blurted  
  
"It ain't green!" Catherine had noticed a flash of abnormal color.  
  
"Well that's because I can't stand green in mashed up food! I dyed it black"  
  
"Right! Now let's see!" Catherine insisted coffee forgotten.  
  
"No." Sara said.  
  
"Whoa guys! Shut up for a sec! Would it interest you, Sara my dear, if I told you that horse shit is green."  
  
"Ewwww!" the two females chorused.  
  
"Although..."  
  
"No although!" Catherine gasped.  
  
"Come on Cat. It can't be worse than that piglet Griss put in his office!" Sara was curious of what her colleague wanted to say.  
  
"You are right. Sorry Warrick. Keep going," Catherine apologized.  
  
"I was gunna say that although obviously, it is from the grass they eat or whatever is in their diet, I noticed that Black Storm's, uh, crap, was actually more yellowish green! I was gunna take some back to tox, but Greg would."  
  
"Warrick!" Catherine cried "Shut the hell up, you have such a sick mind."  
  
" You don't win girls over like THAT Warrick!" Sara commented.  
  
"Hey!" Warrick and Catherine protested.  
  
A voice from the door suddenly filled the room. "I can understand why Warrick is saying 'hey', but why you Cath. Is there something between you and Warrick that I should know about?"  
  
"Nope, I'm right Griss," Catherine turned around, going pink.  
  
"Where's Nicky?" Gil inquired.  
  
"No idea." Warrick and Catherine answered  
  
"He is flirting with someone." Sara answered.  
  
Warrick rolled his eyes  
  
"He is in with then new lab tech Dominique to get back at Ecklie."  
  
"Now there is a reason!" Grissom said forgetting the others were there.  
  
"Grissom!" The three said shocked!  
  
They did not get a chance to squeeze anything else in because right then, Nick burst in.  
  
"Hey guys! Sorry, I'm late, had some sweet plans to plot first. Sara should have explained by now," Nick rushed on.  
  
"Boy did she ever," said Catherine.  
  
"You know what they say about revenge being sweet!" Grissom quipped  
  
"Sara Sidle!" Nick growled  
  
"Heard she's a chick, man." Warrick mused.  
  
Gulping, Sara quickly asked about their assignments.  
  
"So, what have we got tonight?"  
  
"Grissom-pet!" Nick muttered.  
  
"Hey!" Sara and Grissom glared at him.  
  
"I detest that comment, Stokes!" Sara pouted for effect. Then turns to Grissom, and wails.  
  
"Gil! He called me a Grissom-pet!" She sniffed and buried her face in his shoulder.  
  
Hmmm. Grissom pet, I like that. Grissom was thinking.  
  
"Nick, that was un-called for!" Gil tried to be stern, but it just wasn't possible, something about the shift seemed off, nothing seemed serious.  
  
"Oh! I'm Sorry!" Nick said sarcastically.  
  
"SO you should be Nick!" Sara threw back, then cracked up with laughter.  
  
"What ever. Ok we have DB in some open sewer near a spinach farm. Should suit you and Sara just fine wouldn't it Warrick?" The two just rolled their eyes.  
  
"Catherine. You and Nicky here get a 409 on the strip. And I get a whole lot of paperwork to get through so out!"  
  
With that, all CSIs filed off to their Tahoe's or Desks.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Hope you like that. Please review and tell me what you want in the next chapter. Flame if you have to but they probably will not be taken into consideration! Luv Black Storm. Neigh! 


	2. Don't clone it!

CHAPTER 2  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine.  
  
A/N: Thanks to those of you who reviewed this story! And yes, Sara did hide a FAKE spider in Griss to throw him off. I think I forgot to mention that.  
  
P.S . Think of this as a April Fools Day sort of fic!  
  
Enjoy.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Where the hell am I suppose to stick a spider while I am on a case? Sara thought frantically. Well, there are the lockers, in the bin, take it with her, Brass's office, with Greg, even though he probably would not do it. Wait, Maybe His crush on her wasn't such a bad thing after all.  
  
Other options first though. Jim and Gil were close, he would probably spill the cup, erm beans. And then where would she be. With a mouthful of crap in hell maybe? That was Brass ruled out.  
  
Sidle would have asked the Doc or even David, but there was no way she was stepping foot into the morgue if she didn't have to yet.  
  
She wasn't about to leave it in the locker room. Who knows? Maybe it would decide to take a walk around her locker, into her belongings where she would get spooked next time she picked it up.  
  
Sara wasn't completely stupid. Far from it actually. She never gossiped, but always listened. Besides she was a trained investigator. That meant that she was trained to listen. Leaving Fluffy with Greg, eh? Not a bad idea.  
  
Whoa, is that such a good idea, Sara thought. I mean what if he tries to make a DNA clone of the spider, and fails, or worse, makes a new species! But what if he succeeded? I could threaten Grissom with it, then the other one can go in for safe keeping! Finally, she decided that it was worth it, after all, it serves him right for being so weird in the first place.  
  
She left to find Greg, she didn't have much time before she had to meet Warrick at the Tahoe.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~ DNA Lab, Greg's POV. (sorta first person.) ~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Obviously I must have been concentrating hard as I didn't even notice Sara coming up behind me.  
  
"Hi Greggy -Poo!"  
  
I fell off my chair and blamed whoever said gravity was a good thing.  
  
"Ouch!"  
  
"Ooops. Sorry Greg."  
  
"Ok then let's start again and pretend that never happened." I suggest. I'm not feeling like myself. Sara has that effect on me.  
  
"Whatever to make your ass feel better. I know what you are thinking. Curse whoever said gravity was a good thing. Well I happen to like Physics so."  
  
I ignore her and start my own speech cutting her straight off. "Hi Sara. Sup? Don't tell me you have samples already? I saw you just 15 minutes ago!" Ok, I knew she was efficient and one of the best and my favorite CSI. But how the heck did she manage 'this!'  
  
"No Greg, I'll give you some time to clear your work load up a little before I give you my stuff." Sara said sweetly.  
  
" Well." There had to be more.  
  
"I kinda need you to do me a favor." She started; twisting some of her silky hair around her finger and letting it unwind by itself.  
  
"What kind of favor." I am suspicious. I'm starting to feel worried.  
  
"Well let's say I kind of borrowed something from Grissom and it needs looking after." Sara explained this carefully, there was more, I could tell.  
  
Grissom! Eek! Ok, even Catherine I can handle, but Grissom. No way!  
  
"No Sara. As much as I love you and everything. I can't do this." I said. For the first time, I just wanted her to go away.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~* Back to normal POV ~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Sara just gazes at him and decides to slink up and use her feminine wiles to her own advantage. She puts her hands around his neck. Putting her mouth near Greg's ear, she let out a breath and whispered.  
  
"It's only until I get back. I'll even take the blame for you Greg." Sara purred seductively. She dropped a wet kiss on his cheek and sucked up big time. Greg didn't notice, he was under the 'Sidle Spell'.  
  
"Now, the thing is inside this cup. Just don't open the lid and don't put stuff in it ok?" And added. "And don't clone it."  
  
"Don't clone it." Greg cooed.  
  
"See ya later Greg." Thank God that worked!  
  
"See ya Sara." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* GREGS THOUGHTS ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
She likes me! She likes me! She kissed me!  
  
I'm over excited and bouncing and rolling around in my chair. Finally, when I calm down somewhat, I contemplate with what I just agreed on.  
  
Latex gloves on, I gently pried open the lid.  
  
"EEEK!!!! Sara Sidle you are so dead!" I yell. I hope she was still within earshot.  
  
Sara pops her head around the corner. She smirks and tells me. " I told you not to open it!"  
  
"Piss off!" I shoot back at her.  
  
"I take it you won't be cloning it then Greg?" She inquired trying to appear unworried but not quite pulling it off.  
  
"Damn right I ain't cloning this thing! I'm not going to take care of it either!"  
  
Sara is deperate now. " Nooo! Greggy! Please. I need you to. Here I'll tell you why."  
  
Sidle comes closer and whispers something about getting back at Grissom and having fun and even taking the blame. It is all very convincing.  
  
"All right. All right. All Right! Just get out of here before Grissom kills me for not having his DNA samples done!" I shoo her out.  
  
"I love you Greg!" Sara flashes a smile and blows a kiss.  
  
"You only think you do!" I roll my eyes. Wait, what did I just say?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~ Next chapter up soon. Please review! 


	3. Missing Spider Report

CHAPTER 4  
  
A/N: Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far. I am having so much fun with this fic!  
  
Feedback: Yes please! Black_storm_ci@hotmail.com  
  
Disclaimer: Same as Chappie one. Don't own any characters except for Toby .  
  
Enjoy!  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Archie's part in the plan was simple. And since the AV lab was dark, like an unlit room, and had locks on the doors, that was an added bonus. Also, the windows had blinds on them-yet another bonus.  
  
The lab tech was instructed to record a short video clip of the spider, without any sound. Archie was fond of spiders and was no stranger to weird creatures on Star Trek, so Sara happily left him to find Toby.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Toby's lab was next door to Archie's. He was the sound guy. Sara once remembered Grissom telling the husband of a victim (who was later found to be the accomplice rather than victim), that if you listened, you could hear a lot. That was somewhat similar to this too. The answer was right under their noses.  
  
Getting Toby into the plan was much easier than getting Archie, who was even easier than Greg. And that was fairly easy. Well sort of.  
  
She was going to record her voice, then have Toby muffle and distort it enough so it couldn't be traced back to her. Sara recorded her voice, making sure that the soundproof doors were locked first. Then she watched Toby run a series of distortions and male-based vocal amplifications.  
  
Next, Toby recorded his voice, applied a distortion, gave it a female pitch, and then added it to the mix. The end result sounded a bit like Catherine's voice mixed with Warrick's deep o tone, adding high-pitched, Greg-like squeals, combined with Grissom and Nick yelling at each other.  
  
You could never be too careful. You could never have too many suspects. That'll throw Griss off, Sara thought. She was feeling a bit nervous now. Sara knew what insects meant to Grissom (spiders in particular), and ever since they had agreed to a silent truce, they had been getting along well. He was actually being 'nice'.  
  
After making Toby promise not to tell anyone, "Including the other lab techs and CSIs," Sara thanked him, and took the tape (which would automatically be erased) to Archie to attach. The tape was foolproof: virtually untraceable, it filtered out background noise and would automatically (and irreversibly) delete its contents if the digitized voice waves were tampered with.  
  
She ran the tape to Archie. Greg was in there. She made them both promise not to tell, then played the tape once, then got Archie to attach it. Greg was in awe. He had always thought that Sara was capable, but this was. awesome. He would hate to be processing evidence if she was the main suspect.  
  
The dark haired CSI knew she had carelessly forgotten something. She was trying to think. She momentarily lost her balance in the dark, but Greg caught her before she fell. She held her hands out to steady herself.  
  
"Shit! You guys aren't wearing gloves. I'll call a meeting in here with the other lab rats in a while. Just got a few more things to do. Wear gloves." Sara was secretly wondering how many mistakes she had made.  
  
Next stop Bobby Goren.  
  
$*$*$*$*$*$  
  
She found the ballistics expert among his guns, tanks of specially treated water for testing bullets, and GSR posters.  
  
All Bobby had to do was fire a bullet into the water, then sand off the rifling and grooving. Telling him they were going to meet in 15 minutes in the AV lab, Sara thanked him and left to find Jacqui.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Hey Sara what's up?" The older woman asked.  
  
"Nothing. Listen, I need to ask you for a favor," Sara said. She explained the circumstances, how she needed to be told if any fingerprints, latent or not, could be found on the tape . "Superglue it, dust it, dip it, parrafin it. Just make tell me whos they are."  
  
"Actually, no. I'm going to predict Grissom is going to want all this stuff checked." Sara rethought. "Meet us in the AV lab ok? In ten minutes."  
  
Jacqui agreed to help, saying that Griss needed a kick in the butt, as he was getting boring.  
  
Meanwhile, Sara went off to find Nick.  
  
She couldn't find him, so she went to the AV lab.  
  
~*~*~*~*  
  
"Hey everyone. Okay, I guess you probably can't see well in here so I'll just tell you everyone that's in this plan. Bobby, Jacqui, Greg, Toby and Archie. By the way Arch, is this room soundproof?"  
  
"Yep. All audio and AV labs are. Standard procedure."  
  
"Ok," Sara started. "Basically what I did, was, because its April Fools day, I decided to play a prank on Grissom, because everyone plays tricks on everyone except for Grissom."  
  
"What did you do Sara?" asked Bobby. He and Jacqui (who knew a bit) didn't know the full story yet.  
  
"I'll tell you what she did. She took a spider from Grissom. I repeat, Grissom and not Catherine, and got me to tarantula-spider-sit it while she was out in the field." Greg said proudly. " She even told me not to clone it."  
  
"Go Sidle," Bobby said simultaneously with Jacqui.  
  
"Thanks. Anyway. So far I've had a photo taken of it. It's been developed, the negatives destroyed."  
  
The other woman in the room started to speak. But Sara spoke first.  
  
"And yes Jacqui I did use a disposable camera."  
  
Jacqui just smiled. Sara continued.  
  
" As I was saying. I have gotten Bobby to fire the bullet already. He has sanded the marks off. Archie has made a film clip. Toby has distorted and recorded a tape, which Archie has attached to the video. It appears to be untraceable." Sara paused for breath. " Now before I go on any further, I need to remind you guys of a few things. What I told you and what you have done for me stays in this room. That means no squawking to other hot female lab techs, Greg."  
  
The others chuckled. The brunette continued, " Especially one called Dominique, whom Nick seems to like, and will probably be used by Grissom to get info. So that's mainly, don't talk to other lab techs, Grissom, Brass and your good friend Nicky boy."  
  
"I got to write that down," Mumbled Archie.  
  
" You go do that," Toby quipped.  
  
"Not my fault I have a short term memory."  
  
"Done yet boys?" With the lab techs, sometimes the younger they were, the wackier they were too.  
  
"Yes ma'am," The two chorused.  
  
Bobby spoke up. "Do I see a rolling of eyes Miss CSI and Miss Fingerprints."  
  
"Affirmative." Came two voices.  
  
"Ok back to business," Sara cut in. " I am assuming that Grissom will be wanting all this processed and typed. So this is how I want you guys to check this. Archie and Toby, you stay here and work on this tape. I know you both have experience in each other's areas of expertise. See if you can track anything ok?"  
  
She turned to the other. "Bobby, I want you to process the bullet and sand off any marks. Greg and Jacqui, since you work in nearly the same department, I want you two to go over the trace and fingerprints of everything. If any trace is found, Greg, destroy it. Jacqui any prints, change the envelope or make them disappear okay? Now everyone wear gloves. And just a reminder people: I will take the blame for you, but I don't want to unnecessarily."  
  
"Dismissed," She announced. Everyone, including Sara, burst into giggles and laughter.  
  
Oddly, Greg was the first to speak. "Gees Sara, you sure you didn't work as a Navy commander before this?"  
  
"Or a Fed under pressure?"  
  
"No guys. It's just that I don't want to slip up. Come to think of it-It is rather funny."  
  
"Damn right it is. Me and Tobs here should have taped it!"  
  
" Ok, a few last things. Everyone, if Grissom does ask you to do this, although I really think he will process it himself, because he will probably think people will think that he is mad if he told anyone. Just lie to him reasonably, I don't want you telling him, for instance Bobby, that the bullet came not out of a gun, but an elephant's ass. Okay?"  
  
"Damn!" Bobby muttered.  
  
"Yes Ma'am." They all saluted, collapsing into laughter again. When they calmed down, Sara told them to meet again in 1 hour. She made them all leave through different doors, so as not to be suspicious, since Archie's lab connected to Toby's by one mutual passage, in addition to their other two doors.  
  
Greg left through Archie's door since he was in and out all hours anyway. So did Bobby, but he used the other one. Jacqui and Sara used Toby's lab. Toby and the two women walked through the adjoining door to his lab, then exited through separate doors.  
  
Once outside, Sara's beeper went off.  
  
She unclipped it and looked at it. Gil. Office. Awake.  
  
"He must really be worried if he used 'Gil,'" Sara murmured. She was starting to feel guilty.  
  
Shaking her head, Sara steered herself to his office and knocked on his door.  
  
"Come in, Sara."  
  
"Hey Griss. How'd you know it was me?"  
  
"Your knock is distinctive. It's very.sharp and precise."  
  
"Oh. You got my note?" Sara asked.  
  
"Yes. Sorry, I pulled a double and was tired." Grissom said sheepishly.  
  
"Don't worry about it. You are so cute when you sleep, you know that?" Literally and figuratively." Did I just say that? Sara thought.  
  
Luckily, Grissom didn't, seem to notice.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
" You ought to look in the mirror you dope." When she used that light tone, they were back to the playful days when there was sexual tension, but it was the good type.  
  
" Your hair is all stuffed and sticking up. I mean it Griss, I've seen you with some pretty funny hair, but this time it's just..."  
  
"Just what?" Grissom asked her playfully.  
  
"Adorable." Sara beamed. " I mean it's poking up everywhere."  
  
"Shit." It actually wasn't that bad. It was just slightly mussed up, rumpled, and adorable. The word 'sexy' came to mind.  
  
Reaching over, Sara gently rearranged his hair to its normal state. Grissom's hair was how she had always imagined it. Soft and buoyant, with the stubborn curls at the nape of his neck always moving away from where Sara arranged them neatly.  
  
"So what did you want to talk about?" Sara asked.  
  
"Well, actually, I came in after I handed out the assignments and couldn't find my spider. I think that it was."  
  
^*^*^*  
  
A/N: Cliffhanger. Stay tuned for more! 


End file.
